Displaying 2 of 2 comments
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2. 11/04/12, 12:59 am
Says: "That was a wonderful idea to put that quote at the beginning, it ties nicely into your essay. As Dannia says, there are some grammar issues, but overall I think your message was clear. I would like to hear an anecdote -- "one day I was running and thought that I wouldn't be able to make it, but I decided to... ... and that helped to motivate me to accomplish this...." Showing, rather than telling can be most effective in getting your message across. Great job."
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1. 11/03/12, 09:40 pm
Says: "Dannia
I love this story! I think it is personal, powerful, and speaks of your determination and commitment.
We should read it when we get together so that we can work on the grammar portion. If you like you can also take you stories and paste them in a Microsoft word document and meet with someone at the writing center. They can help you with the grammar part of it.
This story is fantastic! :-) "
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